Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I used to tell people that it's way too hard to focus on hard science classes with labs AND music at the same time, and that's why I have a degree in creative writing instead of physics and/or flute performance, like I had planned.
The truth is that it's ridiculously hard to study difficult subject matter, practice enough, smoke too much pot, maintain eating habits that have you almost fainting in choir on a regular basis, and hold together a doomed relationship with a really shitty boyfriend all at the same time, because face it, you're what, only 19? 20 years old? A person's life can change a lot in six years.
I realized this today when I accepted the opportunity to study with the flute professor here on campus, because I started asking myself why why why would I put myself back into a situation that nearly ruined my life when I was a sophomore. But the ambitious academic and musical pursuits weren't what ruined my life, and I know that now, and I'm really really happy to have them back. Every A exam, every second of audience applause, every piece of broken lab equipment, every frustrating problem set, every impossible etude, every paralyzing instance of stage fright - all of it.
Today was the first day of the semester, and I learned that each week (for the next 15) will include: 9 hours of labs, 4 hours of rehearsals, 40 minutes of lessons with something like 10 hours of practicing for those lessons (or more, I don't really know). Also, 6 hours of lectures for, you know, my classes that are supposed to get me into optometry school. And I guess I'll probably have to study for those.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
There's no date on this, but it's from between 4/18 and 4/21 2008. I can hardly believe that's almost three years ago.
She always wanted to be a game-show contestant, knew something about everything but everything on nothing, with emerald luck and the poker-face of a cliff. She completed crosswords, was always the tenth caller, predicted plot twists and read the weary like a highway billboard for adult commodities.
-What is... a bold woman?
-What is... the world at her feet?
I'll take "life isn't fair" for 600, Alex.
I wonder if I should polish some of these little gems, make the obviously-needed revisions and do something with this writing. But I sort of like the beauty in letting it just... be.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I really really want to write more! There are so many things going on right now - I just started Nutrisystem and spring semester is right around the corner and slowly but surely it's going to not be winter anymore.
Tonight I was acutely affected by my tendency to keep bank account information, log-ins and passwords in my journals. Like written on the day I sign up for these things... anyway, to find my student loan information took me back 2.5 years and they really weren't good ones. But then I found this page that I felt like I just had to share -
I just spent the last few hours cleaning up after a whole year of depression, addiction and self-neglect. Dealing with something bigger than myself, or whatever your favorite euphemism for all of this is. Cleanse Song came on, and while that song speaks to me in the way you'd expect, it had much more impact when the flute came on, and so I played my own for the first time in years. It's really helping me feel more like myself again. Normal and stuff. I have time off this week and I can't wait to fix up my place. All this time in Evansville really has helped me fix all these things I never really understood were wrong. It's all getting better, making sense, falling into place...
Ignoring the total nose-dive everything took in the following months, I found the hope in that entry inspiring. The "bad times" weren't all bad.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I know a couple of these are incomplete, I've done this on purpose - I want to be able to share all of my pages from the art journal class I am taking, but I also don't want to lose the "journal" aspect of the project, and this is the only way I can journal freely and honestly (because otherwise what is the point?)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while - I also have fallen far behind on my reading, too! Last week I got sick and my normal routine just sort of went down the tubes (and I don't even really HAVE a routine, so I didn't do ANYTHING).
So even though I don't have anything momentous, cute or interesting to share, I can still wish everyone a happy earth day! (Birthday? EARTH day? Whose birthday? EARTH. Earth's birthday?) And remember, you're not being "green" if you go and replace something that is still working perfectly fine, even if the new thing is energy saving or more earth-friendly. Just sayin.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Looks like I'm one of the cool kids now ;) I owe a huge thank you to Gidget of Lilac and Lace for the nomination - you made my week! XOXO
A stipulation of the award is that I must share seven facts about myself:
-I have played the flute for 15 years now and earned a full tuition scholarship to UW Madison because of it
-even though I have always loved optics and physics, it wasn't until after three years working at an eye clinic that I realized I wanted to be an optometrist
-I have lived by myself for the last five years, and am scared to once again have to share my space in dorm-style living (even though I have done it before)
-My mom and step-dad adopted my younger brother from Ukraine when I was 18. He's 8 now.
-I always wear chucks. Even when I should be wearing something a little dressier. Even when my podiatrist says I need better arch support.
-Even though I post so many pages, I only just started art-journaling in March. It truly means the WORLD to me every time someone tells me they like what I've done :)
-I've never seen nor read Gone With the Wind (nor do I intend do... sorry, Mom!)
And now I get to pass on the blog love to
15 10 lovelies! Will you accept?
-What I See
-The Foxy Robot
-You Will, Won't You?
-The Perfect Pear
-Miss Pouty Pants
-Being a Lady
-Polka Dot Robot
If you choose to accept the award you must:
- Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
- Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
- Tell us seven interesting facts about yourself.
- Pass this award on to 15 fantastic bloggers you have discovered.
- Contact your nominations and let them know they’ve won.