I still go online.

I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I have no interest in updating this... really ever. BUT I'm on tumblr all the time and kind of addicted to twitter too.

Welcome to Spring Semester

I used to tell people that it's way too hard to focus on hard science classes with labs AND music at the same time, and that's why I have a degree in creative writing instead of physics and/or flute performance, like I had planned.

The truth is that it's ridiculously hard to study difficult subject matter, practice enough, smoke too much pot, maintain eating habits that have you almost fainting in choir on a regular basis, and hold together a doomed relationship with a really shitty boyfriend all at the same time, because face it, you're what, only 19? 20 years old? A person's life can change a lot in six years.

I realized this today when I accepted the opportunity to study with the flute professor here on campus, because I started asking myself why why why would I put myself back into a situation that nearly ruined my life when I was a sophomore. But the ambitious academic and musical pursuits weren't what ruined my life, and I know that now, and I'm really really happy to have them back. Every A exam, every second of audience applause, every piece of broken lab equipment, every frustrating problem set, every impossible etude, every paralyzing instance of stage fright - all of it.

Today was the first day of the semester, and I learned that each week (for the next 15) will include: 9 hours of labs, 4 hours of rehearsals, 40 minutes of lessons with something like 10 hours of practicing for those lessons (or more, I don't really know). Also, 6 hours of lectures for, you know, my classes that are supposed to get me into optometry school. And I guess I'll probably have to study for those.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Old-Notebook-Time, Continued

There's no date on this, but it's from between 4/18 and 4/21 2008. I can hardly believe that's almost three years ago.

She always wanted to be a game-show contestant, knew something about everything but everything on nothing, with emerald luck and the poker-face of a cliff. She completed crosswords, was always the tenth caller, predicted plot twists and read the weary like a highway billboard for adult commodities.
-What is... a bold woman?
-What is... the world at her feet?

I'll take "life isn't fair" for 600, Alex.

I wonder if I should polish some of these little gems, make the obviously-needed revisions and do something with this writing. But I sort of like the beauty in letting it just... be.

The Bad Times Weren't All Bad

I really really want to write more! There are so many things going on right now - I just started Nutrisystem and spring semester is right around the corner and slowly but surely it's going to not be winter anymore.

Tonight I was acutely affected by my tendency to keep bank account information, log-ins and passwords in my journals. Like written on the day I sign up for these things... anyway, to find my student loan information took me back 2.5 years and they really weren't good ones. But then I found this page that I felt like I just had to share -

8/3/08

I just spent the last few hours cleaning up after a whole year of depression, addiction and self-neglect. Dealing with something bigger than myself, or whatever your favorite euphemism for all of this is. Cleanse Song came on, and while that song speaks to me in the way you'd expect, it had much more impact when the flute came on, and so I played my own for the first time in years. It's really helping me feel more like myself again. Normal and stuff. I have time off this week and I can't wait to fix up my place. All this time in Evansville really has helped me fix all these things I never really understood were wrong. It's all getting better, making sense, falling into place...

Ignoring the total nose-dive everything took in the following months, I found the hope in that entry inspiring. The "bad times" weren't all bad.

Winter Break

It's true always that the more there is to write about, the less I write. Today was the last day of school (until January something). I'm going to have some spare time... Write once a day during my break. I can do that, right?

Hi

Why did I quit my blog again? That's right, I have no idea. Just quit my job, moved to a new town, and started going to school again :) That's no reason not to write!

Tell Your Story

I know a couple of these are incomplete, I've done this on purpose - I want to be able to share all of my pages from the art journal class I am taking, but I also don't want to lose the "journal" aspect of the project, and this is the only way I can journal freely and honestly (because otherwise what is the point?)

Happy Birthday Earth

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while - I also have fallen far behind on my reading, too! Last week I got sick and my normal routine just sort of went down the tubes (and I don't even really HAVE a routine, so I didn't do ANYTHING).

So even though I don't have anything momentous, cute or interesting to share, I can still wish everyone a happy earth day! (Birthday? EARTH day? Whose birthday? EARTH. Earth's birthday?) And remember, you're not being "green" if you go and replace something that is still working perfectly fine, even if the new thing is energy saving or more earth-friendly. Just sayin.

Beautiful Blogger Award

Looks like I'm one of the cool kids now ;) I owe a huge thank you to Gidget of Lilac and Lace for the nomination - you made my week! XOXO

A stipulation of the award is that I must share seven facts about myself:

-I have played the flute for 15 years now and earned a full tuition scholarship to UW Madison because of it
-even though I have always loved optics and physics, it wasn't until after three years working at an eye clinic that I realized I wanted to be an optometrist
-I have lived by myself for the last five years, and am scared to once again have to share my space in dorm-style living (even though I have done it before)
-My mom and step-dad adopted my younger brother from Ukraine when I was 18. He's 8 now.
-I always wear chucks. Even when I should be wearing something a little dressier. Even when my podiatrist says I need better arch support.
-Even though I post so many pages, I only just started art-journaling in March. It truly means the WORLD to me every time someone tells me they like what I've done :)
-I've never seen nor read Gone With the Wind (nor do I intend do... sorry, Mom!)

And now I get to pass on the blog love to 15 10 lovelies! Will you accept?

-What I See
-The Foxy Robot
-Zita Devi
-Montana Adventures
-You Will, Won't You?
-The Perfect Pear
-Inspirations Scrap
-Miss Pouty Pants
-un-BLOG-evable
-Being a Lady
-Polka Dot Robot

If you choose to accept the award you must:

- Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
- Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
- Tell us seven interesting facts about yourself.
- Pass this award on to 15 fantastic bloggers you have discovered.
- Contact your nominations and let them know they’ve won.

Revenge of the Yarn Part 2

A while back I wrote about some yarn.

And today, I found that yarn.

Finally.

Ode to Tape; Poetry

Two weeks and three days from now marks the start of the Tell Your Story art journal class, and as far as I'm concerned, that's seventeen days too many. I've completed the introductory prompt plus a random page just for the fun of it, and now that most of my supplies have arrived I am beyond ready to start!

Among the things I ordered last weekend are carnival tickets, vintage paper, and tape... lots of tape. I am absolutely amazed how pretty some of this tape is, and I can't believe it's as unavailable as it is - I couldn't find it in any local stores! I mean, we have gift wrapping, crafting, collages, journaling, scrapbooking, and just plain sticking things to other things... tape is ubiquitous, essential, and indispensable (except from a tape dispenser - lol). I mean, just look at this page I created tonight!

The photo I used came from here and the poem is my own work (2008). Since I am so excited for class to start, until then I had the idea that I could take pieces from my senior creative writing thesis and attempt to illustrate them the way that I saw them when they were written. So far I'm really pleased with the way this first one turned out, and soon I want to try finding an image before I write, and see how that turns out. I have never written based on an actual image (existing outside of my head) but I think it would be an interesting exercise if I found the right photo... or for a real challenge I could select one at random. Better yet, I can ask for suggestions! If you are reading this, then I challenge you to challenge me with a photograph - if you do, I promise I will post my work :)

April Is the Cruelest Month

It's also national poetry month.

In fact, during this time last year, I was finishing up my senior creative writing thesis. During this time two years ago, I was enrolled in intermediate poetry workshop. During this time four years ago, I was enrolled in my first creative writing workshop ever.

The year before that I was a physics major.

On the 2nd of the month, I stumbled on a poem-a-day challenge, and decided it was something I should do. I was only one day behind, so why not? I am now eight days behind on the poem-a-day challenge. Do I print out the challenge every day with the intention of completing it? Absolutely. Will I actually do it? We'll see. There's no reason not to, and there's a contest also, so it could be really fun!

Is anyone else participating?

I Don't Even Know

I got off work early today only to walk home in the rain and then pass out for a four hour nap with a sore throat and itchy ears. Yuck.

This picture was kind of an accident, but it totally sums up my day. Sexy, sexy head-cold-nap hair.

Also, I did this. I don't know if I'm going to add to it - I took the picture in Chicago with my mom and sister-in-law after touring ICO and so I thought maybe I should write about it, but I kind of like the simplicity of it just the way it is.

I received a bunch of vintage paper and pretty tape in the mail today, and was itching to try some of it out. My mom tells stories all the time about when I was pre-school age and the art projects I would come up with that were almost entirely tape. They would fill my stocking with rolls of tape every Christmas, and apparently that was just the best thing ever for me. I was too young to remember any of this, but when I saw the package from happytape at my door today, I knew every word of it is true. What can I say - I'm a freak for adhesive.

Now it's way past my bedtime and I'm not sleepy. Earlier I dreamt that I was getting married to my ex-boyfriend, and that just before I walked down the aisle, I told my mom I didn't want to do it... but did anyway, only to get to the other end and have somebody tell me I was pregnant. I don't know why it was such an issue, because she totally hated him, but it was vaguely reminiscent of my sophomore year of high school when I told this boy I would go to prom with him because I was too nice to say no, and then when I wanted to cancel she forced me to go. Anyway, I'm really glad I woke up when I did, what a nightmare. Sometimes I wish I could shut my dreams off.

Typical Tuesday

just watching a dvd with my dino :D

Tell Your Story

If I were...

Originally posted: If I were...

If I were a month, I’d be September.

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Monday.

If I were a time of day, I’d be 6:00am.

If I were a planet, I’d be Neptune.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be ....
If I were a direction, I’d be North.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a bookshelf.

If I were a liquid, I’d be Diet Coke.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be a ....

If I were a tree, I’d be a ....

If I were a tool, I’d be an ice pick.

If I were a flower, I’d be a daisy.

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a foggy fall day.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a flute.

If I were a color, I’d be gray.

If I were an emotion, I’d be ambivalence.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a starfruit.

If I were a sound, I’d be white noise.

If I were an element, I’d be As.

If I were a car, I’d be a Jetta.

If I were a food, I’d be vinegar.

If I were a place, I’d be a concrete park.

If I were a material, I’d be soft.

If I were a taste, I’d taste like ice cream cake.

If I were a scent, I’d be lavendar vanilla.

If I were an animal, I’d be an otter.

If I were an object, I’d be a railing.

If I were a body part, I’d be the elbow.

If I were a facial expression, I’d be a :P.

If I were a song, I’d be <3

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be chucks.

What's In My Bag?

Inspired by Just Sweet Love

-phone & iPod (always)
-wallet, keys
-lotion, eyedrops, lipgloss and hand sanitizer
-mirror
-notebook and pens
-magazine or novel
-Coach bag a Christmas gift 2008

What's in yours?

Family Weekend

Last night I went with the family to see How To Train Your Dragon.

It. Was. Awesome.

I've been working on a new art journal. Quiet Nights was so much fun, I've decided to do another class: Tell Your Story.

My mom and stepdad got wireless internet last week, so Sam brought their laptop upstairs and I brought mine from home and we set up shop in the kitchen.

And tomorrow is...

Easter!

I am Inimitable!

A few weeks ago I e-mailed my picture to Vivianna for the I Am photo project.

Click to see all of them & participate yourself :]

Complainy Pants

It's hot out. HOT. In Wisconsin. Also, my idiotic landlord painted the windows shut, so it's stuffy and the air is stagnant. After years of a more heightened self-awareness, I've realized that any semblance of a seasonal affective syndrome I exhibit leans toward a spring depression, overall (if we're even going to stretch so far as to call it that). A lot of the poetry in my senior thesis (written over the last four years) paints a really bleak picture of springtime, which I really never noticed until recent. What can I say - I was born upside-down. I'm so not even joking about that (but kind of).

All the joking that I am a 25-year-old in an 80-year-old's body came to a head today when I stopped at Walgreens to pick up some sole inserts that came highly recommended and a velcro ice pack for my ankle (walking to work this morning was terrible today). The automatically generated coupon that printed with my receipt was for an AARP discount. I like it better when I buy feminine hygiene products and get chocolate coupons. Bitch.

URGH not only am I hot sweaty and sore, but the pizza I had for lunch is really not agreeing with me, and for all the hassle it was - they delivered it a half hour late (which happened to be one minute after I punched back in for work) and the girl was all, "in the future, we're not going to deliver here anymore. it's too far" so I said, "oh, don't worry. in the future we won't order." It's actually not that far, but she got lost. I wanted to pull my portion of the tip out of the group total, but didn't want certain people to think I was that much of a jerk. But it was that kind of day. Dammit.